


Vandalized

by protectoroffaeries



Series: Looking Glass [3]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Season 6 Spoilers, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 01:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8470534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectoroffaeries/pseuds/protectoroffaeries
Summary: “My body covered with flames of betrayal and my eyes filled with tears of pain. I do not feel good.” -Tanmaya Guru





	

**Author's Note:**

> I never understood how quickly everyone got over Emily's fake death. Reid was mad for like one episode, and it wasn't even the one she returned in? I don't know, maybe I'm more sensitive than them, or maybe I underestimate the power of being reunited with someone thought dead.

Reid is exceptional at passing psychological evaluations. He knows all the answers the psychologists want to here, and he knows exactly how to say them as to not give away the fact that he’s just telling them what they want to hear. While he knows he can’t pretend to be quite as emotionally sound as he typically does, given the fact that he carved his arm like a pumpkin on Halloween mere hours ago, he still thinks he did well enough to indicate that he’s stable enough to be released, at least with one of his friends. He’d rather have to spend a few nights at Morgan’s or JJ’s than spend more time at the hospital.

While he waits to see what the doctors have to say about his mental state, he examines the leather straps they’ve used to bind him to his bed. He could probably get out of them, if he had to, but that would be a pointless waste of time, since Morgan, JJ, or a nurse could appear at any time, and if they did, they’d express disappointment in him. He doesn’t need to give anyone more reasons to be disappointed in him tonight.

“Reid.” Morgan’s voice snaps him from his thoughts, and his eyes dart up. Morgan is standing in the doorway, looking exhausted. Reid feels guilty, not for the first time, that he’s caused Morgan and JJ distress so soon after Prentiss. 

“Morgan?”

“Listen, I know I told you earlier that the nurse said you could probably go home tomorrow, but…”

Reid’s heart sinks. Maybe he acted a little  _ too _ okay when he was talking to the doctor. “But they want to keep me under observation for a few more days?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, man.”

Reid shakes his head at the absurdity of the statement. Morgan has nothing to be sorry for. If anyone should be apologizing, it’s Reid, but for some reason he can’t make himself say those words. Not yet. Maybe he isn’t actually sorry yet, not for the reason Morgan wants him to be sorry.   

“It’s what I expected,” he lies.

Morgan nods a little, then shifts on his feet like he’s nervous about something, and Reid wonders if it’s just because he doesn’t know what to say to him, if Reid’s overwhelmed him with this… episode, or if it’s something else. “Reid…”

“Yes?”

Morgan sighs. “I have to call Hotch.”

Reid has the distinct feeling that Hotch isn’t what has Morgan on edge. Reid doesn’t really want Hotch to know about this, but he understands that they have to tell him, and he’s secretly relieved that Morgan is going to do it because Reid wouldn’t know what to say. It’s funny he feels at such a loss for words tonight. He’s always hid behind having too much to say, and now that shield has abandoned him. Or he has abandoned it. Normally, he would analyze the difference, but tonight he’s not interested in doing much thinking. Something else that is abnormal for him. 

But back to Morgan: he’s still nervous about something. Something has upset him. Something beyond what Reid did to himself. Reid doesn’t know what it is, and he knows that Morgan probably won’t tell him if he asks. He’ll have to figure it out on his own. 

“Where’s JJ?” he asks instead, thinking that’ll be a better topic. 

Morgan closes his eyes for a long second, which is a puzzling action. Reid wonders if whatever’s bothering him has something to do with JJ. He hopes not. The last thing their family needs are more problems. 

“She had to get home. Henry’s sick. I told her you’d understand.”

Morgan is lying, and Reid can’t stand it. “Of course I understand,” Reid says. “What I don’t understand is why you’re lying to me, especially about the health of my godson.”

Now Morgan looks guilty and a little angry, and Reid wonders how he can lie so well to an UNSUB that they need to make a deal with but not to him. Or maybe it isn’t Reid at all; maybe Morgan is uncomfortable with whatever secret JJ asked him to keep. 

Reid sits up a little straighter in his hospital bed. The straps press against his bandages and against the torn skin underneath, but Reid ignores the slight sting accompanies the pressure. He wants Morgan to tell him what is wrong, and since he now thinks that Morgan  _ wants  _ to tell him, Reid thinks he has a chance of getting answers out of his friend. 

“What is it?”

“It’s Prentiss,” Morgan blurts, and Reid can’t fathom why he spat out their deceased friend’s name with such vitriol. 

“What about her?” asks Reid hollowly, looking down at his arm once again. His bandages need to be changed; he can see blood from the shallower cuts staining them. He chews on the puncture wound he made in his lip earlier, and it hurts, but it’s grounding. He can’t afford to get lost in thoughts of Prentiss right now. He might lose himself if he doesn’t. He fears that he won’t be able to think about her safely for a long time. She’s part of the reason he did this to himself. 

“She’s alive.”

Just like that, Reid is lost. His heart rate shoots so quickly and so high that the monitor starts beeping, and at the same time, his mind races to process Morgan’s words.  _ Prentiss _ .  _ Alive.  _ But she was stabbed by Doyle. But they buried her. But Reid carried her coffin. He can’t wrap his head around it, absurdly. All the complex things that come so easily to him, and he can’t grasp that his friend could still be alive. 

And then, just as devastating, or perhaps moreso:  _ JJ  _ told Reid she was dead.  _ JJ  _ held him while he cried.  _ JJ  _ never said anything to give him any hope that Prentiss could still be out there. And now, when she probably afraid he would hurt himself over and over because of what happened (And is that really the reason? Reid thinks it’s more than that.) she can’t even tell him the truth herself. 

Reid knows Morgan didn’t know before tonight, and he searches for Morgan’s face, desperate to find someone that feels how he feels - _ betrayed, angry, heartbroken _ \- but his view is obstructed by a nurse who’s practically begging him to ‘calm down, sir,’ but he can’t calm down because Prentiss is  _ alive _ , and Reid has never been in such emotional anguish in his entire life, and that’s counting the pain he was in as he dissected his arm. 

“Morgan!” he hears himself scream, and the nurse steps back, thank God, and Morgan replaces her and grabs his hand, and that’s when Reid realizes that his thrashing against his restraints, and a dim voice in the back of his head tells him that he should probably  _ stop that _ , so he does. He takes a huge, gulping breath, and then his breathing slowly evens out. He feels a single tear roll down his cheek and fall off the edge of his chin. 

“I’m sorry, kid, I am so sorry,” Morgan says. There are tears in his eyes, too, eyes that are furious and ruined. He’s just as upset about Prentiss. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have told Reid. Morgan is good like that. He always wants to help Reid, to protect him. Reid likes to think that he doesn’t need protection, but right now, that feels like a lie. 

“JJ knew,” Reid says, and it comes out in a sob. 

“She’s the one who told me,” Morgan confirms softly. 

“Why didn’t she tell me herself?” 

Morgan shakes his head. “She thought it would be better if we told you after you were out of the hospital and had some time to cool down. I agreed with her… Reid, I didn’t mean to…”

“Don’t apologize. T-this isn’t your fault. This… where is she?”

“JJ went home. I asked her to, after she told me. I don’t know where Emily is.”

Prentiss’ location is probably need-to-know. That’s the only logical explanation for this gigantic lie - that she’s in hiding, from Doyle. Reid doesn’t understand why  _ JJ _ needed to know and the rest of them didn’t, especially Morgan, who Reid knows felt personally responsible for Prentiss’ demise.

“Will I ever feel okay again?” Reid says, and it sounds like a question, but really it isn’t. He feels just as numb at the revelation that Prentiss is alive as he did when he heard she was dead. He’s sick of feeling everything and nothing. He wants to distract himself from it again. 

Morgan answers anyway. “Yes. I promise.” He squeezes Reid’s hand. 

  
Reid decides to believe him, just for tonight. 


End file.
